"78 & 79/245—A Promise I Couldn't Keep"

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 Hello namaste 


Friday & Saturday


Today,I woke up and was sitting with Ammayi.We both had one chapati together while waiting for a call from the hospital.After some time,Bada called. He told us that Kutus opened his eyes when he heard Bada's voice.When Kira's name was mentioned,he lifted his eyebrows properly, and when Kitapu's name was mentioned,he even smiled.The doctors also said they would slowly reduce the dosage of his medicines.Hearing that gave us a little relief.


I asked Sathy if I should come to the hospital,but she told me,"No,you stay home and take care of Ammayi." So I stayed back.I didn't take a bath because I thought I would first wash the vilakku and then take a bath in the evening,since it was Karkidakam Masam.


We were just sitting and talking when Sathy called again.She told me,"Go to the temple." I told her I hadn't taken a bath yet.She said, "Take a bath,go to the temple,and don't let the vilakku go out." I asked her what had happened.She told me that Kutus' heartbeat had stopped,but the doctors doing something.


I immediately took a bath and ran to the temple.I kept praying continuously.In my mind,I believed it had happened only for a moment and that his heartbeat would become normal again.I called Sathy once more,and she simply said,"Be ready for that."


I just kept praying,"No,bro... I don't want that.Please tell the doctors to do whatever they can to save him. Bhagwan,please keep his heartbeat stable.That's all I'm asking.Please... do anything You want,but don't let anything happen to my little boy.If anything happens to him,I'll never come to Your darbar again. I'll never stand before You again.I trust You that much... so please."


17-07-2026 You left us,Kutus (Chakotiya).


God failed me.The faith I had in Him broke that day.God is so cruel to do this with us.


I'm sorry,Kutus.I had promised you,"Hum sab tere saath hai,tujhe kuch nahi hoga." I couldn't keep that promise.


These whole days you were in the hospital,you weren't even allowed to drink water.Maybe that's why everywhere around you,all I remember is rain. After we brought you home,I couldn't take my eyes off you.I just kept looking at you,unable to believe this was real.Somewhere deep inside,I still hoped for a miracle that you would suddenly wake up.I truly believed you would.


Among all our cousins,I am the youngest among the girls,and you are the youngest among the boys.You are the youngest of us all.How could you be the one leave us first? I still can't bring myself to believe it.


After this... I don't think I can write anything more. Everything else... I'll keep in my journal.It's too personal to put into words here.


People always say that the ones who stand beside you in your hardest times are the ones who truly matter.I had heard that many times,but during these days,I experienced it again.Now I truly understand what it means.


One thing I realized through all of this is that siblings are genuinely who held each other together,cried together and stood strong for our families.

 

I love you kutus ma


Tata-bye 


-pyaar sahiba🌻


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